The Big Fat South Indian Wedding!!

I wrote this on my return flight journey from Madras to LA because I promised a distant cousin of mine, who is actually working in the army, I will actually write something on this. I met her after almost ten years during my first cousin’s marriage last week and my conversation with her during the event triggered off my thought process to write this:

“The past few days of the week have been insanely hectic. The agenda on the table was my first cousin’s marriage and the impending functions before and after the marriage. The two days of festivities were immensely engrossing, unexpectedly tiring & remarkably blissful. Grandeur, Splendour, Vibrancy, Family togetherness are often adjectives that are described with respect to an Indian wedding; now in this era there is one more term called Artificiality.

The term above would at first instant make people ire at me. In today’s world, these events have sometimes become mere show pieces of the gloated egos and statuses of families. It has become a get together function for the different “nuclear” sections within families rather than one where the entire family in unison is “part” of the event. It has become an event where you meet up someone who is supposedly related to you but you have never seen him all your life. It has become an event where all people give a damn about is whether the concert by Nityashree was good or the menu served by some big shot caterer had variety or not. It has become an event which shows more wealth than heart, rarely the combination of both.

My point is that the emphasis should not be on the flashiness involving music concerts, big shot food caterers, major VIP’s thronging the venue with their high profile guests. The emphasis should be on the feature that is most important to the family; the unity with which every member of the family contributes to the cause & the ritualism in the ceremonies. If someone is going through this event, then I assume that person has some iota of belief in what I have mentioned above. If ritualism is not given focus, what is the difference between a kitty party and a wedding? I don’t think it’s completely neglected today but I think it’s compromised, rather not given as much priority. Just because it’s boring for people who are watching it & has no mass appeal, it doesn’t mean it has to be taken for a toss. It is the crucial bondage between the lead couple that helps them through their lives, not the flashy hoolala “add-ons” that take center stage today.

Furthermore, one more irritating aspect is the complete dominance of these so called “caterers/managers” who take charge of literally everything that happens in the wedding. This act of convenience by us, albeit due to the presence of our ever-growing financial clout, leads to the complete dilution of the family element in the wedding. Instead of completely helping out, most of the extended family does all the trash talk during the days of the wedding. Essentially the purpose of showing family unison in organizing the event is eroded.

The point of weddings of the yester years was that it brought the entire family together to “work” for a definitive purpose. Everyone came from various parts of India with their families (which were pretty huge) and helped for the cause during those 4 to 5 days. Some cooked the food, Some helped in making logistical arrangements, Some helped in decorating the venue, Some helped in serving & welcoming the guests. Now all these “some’s” are done cumulatively in an artificial way by someone who has no connection to the family.

An Indian wedding is not just a ceremony between two people, it’s a confluence of two families, multitudes of generations. Can’t we allocate some part of our “busy” time to facilitate and help around in the process that is so essential to our culture? I am not saying we should be completely independent of these “manager’s” but we can take some of their workload on our own right?Can't we use this as an opportunity to gel within the family, with whom most of us are either alienated or out of touch? Can’t the emphasis be more on ceremonial aspects rather than the add-ons which have become the essential items? Can’t we make the event, that epitomises the celebration of our heritage & culture, more pristine and more importantly naturalized?

Can't we conduct such events to satisfy us & not the rest of the world?

I bet we can; only if we spend some time thinking about it.”

I mailed this to my distant cousin after landing in LA and she replied saying “Dude, it’s nice but you didn’t mention the dinner menu anywhere that was the only thing that I was bothered about that day!”

And I told myself with a sigh & a spontaneous yet reluctant smile “No comments!”